Saturday, March 25, 2006 5:02 PM
- Breaking up is an ending and beginning –
My 3 years and 5 months relationship with my boyfriend is almost over! We both need space to concentrate on the things happening in our life. My boyfriend’s name is Glenn, 3 years older than I am and take note he is a seminarian. We have a very rare relationship. Hey! A very rare and most of all a sacrificial lamb thing I did in my life. However, as long as you love each other sacrifice is like nothing, sacrifice will be just raindrops falling, as in, you will not fell that you are sacrificing and you will not feel the hardship in the relationship, all you know in your mind and at your heart is the fact that you love each other. Loving him is not hard; loving him is like being true to me. However, as year past, my mind begin to mature, there are questions that bothering me. I started to think, “I should end this relationship because he is taking his vocation.” There are many guys out there that I can meet a long the way. I keep on telling myself “I should end this.” But it take too long for me to tell this to him, I don’t know if I should tell this personally, in text or I will give him a letter. Nevertheless, before doing decisions I ask God for a sign, should I reveal what is my sign? Okay, I ask God that if I hear someone sing the song “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling, it means I need to continue my relationship with him and take all the sacrifices and risk. October 12, a week after, while walking in the corridor of our school with Aichi and Jeric, I was shock to hear Jeric singing the song, from that day I tell myself I should face the consequence I said to God. However, 17 days have been past the relationship is almost over. We spend the whole day with each other in my house. We did not expect that I will end the relationship, but the only reason I ended it because I love him, so I need to sacrifice. I let go of him. I told him it is better to continue his vocation without me so he can really answer the true calling of God. It will be a big mess between the two of us, if he continues the relationship with me. I know that Glenn will not understand me at first but hopefully as the day past, he will understand the reason why I let go of him. I let go because I want him to continue his vocation and answer the calling of God. After the break, I feel a bit sad because I let go of someone I really love and who loves me, someone who understand me, someone who listen to my heartaches and gives me hug to lessen my pain. As day past, I keep on telling myself this sacrifice is not for me or for him hence this sacrifice is for God. The fact that I should be happy enough to meet a boyfriend and a brother in him all the way to share my past 3 years with him is almost a blessing. Now I am happy and I am free. I do not have to worry that I have a seminarian BF. I do not have to worry that everyone is looking at me because of him and the journey is almost over. I need to start a new life without worrying about what others think of me. Now, I want to live life and go with the flow of it. I need to have the confidence to go to an adventure. I can call on my own. Give yourself a break, and enjoy yourself and the company of your friends. At one point, you have to face your heartaches alone – without expecting someone to hug you and not as a girl of somebody. At that point, I thank God for giving me a lot of guts to end this and for giving me friends who always their to give me an advice, to ease my pain, who continue to love me and for making me happy, for always making me smile and last for understanding me.
Czarina
Clara Capiral
