Esta Czarina

Friday, March 31, 2006 8:30 PM

Bottled up inside
are words I never said
the feelings that I hide
the lines you never read

You can see it in my eyes
read it on my face
trapped inside are lies
of the past I can't replace

With memories that linger
won't seem go away
why can't I be happier??

Yesterdays are over
even though the hurting's not
nothing last forever
I must cherish what I've got

Don't take my love for granted
for soon it will be gone...
all you ever wanted
of love you thought you'd won

The hurt I'm feeling now
won't disappear overnight
but someway,somehow
everything will turn out
allright

No more wishing for the past
it wasn't meant to be
it didn't seems to last,
so I have to set yoy free

aHmmMM...anG lalim kahit ako nde ko lubos maisip nakagawa ako
ng ganyan!!!cguro kaya ko ngawa yan dahil para sakin wala na ang PAST
that I'am starting over my new and improve life without him....
may 5months din ako nagmove on..moViNG on is one of the difficult and
hardest thing in a relationship yAHhh really!!!ehehhe...
pero kung ikaW ba naman mgkaibigan katulad ng mga FG suS wala yan sandali
lang wala ka nang problema....ehheeh...your pain will ease away in jst a minute or
a second hahaa....

LAsT woRD:for those who are in the hardest part or should I say stage
of there lives 3 woRDS foR you guys
...bE haPPy and think dat all things happen because of a purpose!
...don't be a shame to your self because da relatiomship don't grow da way u like!
...lasT!!!prAY!!!ehhehe

TaBoO LoVE!!!

Saturday, March 25, 2006 5:02 PM

- Breaking up is an ending and beginning –

My 3 years and 5 months relationship with my boyfriend is almost over! We both need space to concentrate on the things happening in our life. My boyfriend’s name is Glenn, 3 years older than I am and take note he is a seminarian. We have a very rare relationship. Hey! A very rare and most of all a sacrificial lamb thing I did in my life. However, as long as you love each other sacrifice is like nothing, sacrifice will be just raindrops falling, as in, you will not fell that you are sacrificing and you will not feel the hardship in the relationship, all you know in your mind and at your heart is the fact that you love each other. Loving him is not hard; loving him is like being true to me. However, as year past, my mind begin to mature, there are questions that bothering me. I started to think, “I should end this relationship because he is taking his vocation.” There are many guys out there that I can meet a long the way. I keep on telling myself “I should end this.” But it take too long for me to tell this to him, I don’t know if I should tell this personally, in text or I will give him a letter. Nevertheless, before doing decisions I ask God for a sign, should I reveal what is my sign? Okay, I ask God that if I hear someone sing the song “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling, it means I need to continue my relationship with him and take all the sacrifices and risk. October 12, a week after, while walking in the corridor of our school with Aichi and Jeric, I was shock to hear Jeric singing the song, from that day I tell myself I should face the consequence I said to God. However, 17 days have been past the relationship is almost over. We spend the whole day with each other in my house. We did not expect that I will end the relationship, but the only reason I ended it because I love him, so I need to sacrifice. I let go of him. I told him it is better to continue his vocation without me so he can really answer the true calling of God. It will be a big mess between the two of us, if he continues the relationship with me. I know that Glenn will not understand me at first but hopefully as the day past, he will understand the reason why I let go of him. I let go because I want him to continue his vocation and answer the calling of God. After the break, I feel a bit sad because I let go of someone I really love and who loves me, someone who understand me, someone who listen to my heartaches and gives me hug to lessen my pain. As day past, I keep on telling myself this sacrifice is not for me or for him hence this sacrifice is for God. The fact that I should be happy enough to meet a boyfriend and a brother in him all the way to share my past 3 years with him is almost a blessing. Now I am happy and I am free. I do not have to worry that I have a seminarian BF. I do not have to worry that everyone is looking at me because of him and the journey is almost over. I need to start a new life without worrying about what others think of me. Now, I want to live life and go with the flow of it. I need to have the confidence to go to an adventure. I can call on my own. Give yourself a break, and enjoy yourself and the company of your friends. At one point, you have to face your heartaches alone – without expecting someone to hug you and not as a girl of somebody. At that point, I thank God for giving me a lot of guts to end this and for giving me friends who always their to give me an advice, to ease my pain, who continue to love me and for making me happy, for always making me smile and last for understanding me.

tRAUmatIC bDAY!!!!

Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:52 AM

A vEry traumatiC bDAY foR mE..

anYwaY lZt suNdAy MAr.5 We celebRAteD mY bDAY...thoUgh I'am nOT daT happY bEc.my frEnds are not thEre onLy mY famiLY anD onO..I enJoy da niGHT!!!!

MoNdAY wE (mY AquiNO famIly) aRe the leADer in thE genEraL asSemblY aNd thE assEmbly iS gOoD wLA nmN balaHUraAN n naNgyaRE noT to mentiON n nawa2La c aLIgORA ahhaah!!!!pERo nDe ko pa riN naraRAmdamaN n magiGinG trAUMATIc ang bDAY ko...

MaTH!!!AY wLA nmN nanGYrE nDe ko pa riN naRAramdaMan n tRAUmatic anG bDAy ko,,,,,

CL!!!!!!!!wErE aLL hAS sTARteD!!!nakU nDe ko tLga alM na nakAlimutn ko yNg YOUTH TODaY ko!!!!!naiinISSs ako sa sariLi ko na parang baga pinasan ko ang lhT ng kasalanAn sa mundo!!!gaNUN pa mAN nDE ako papaapEKTO!!!peRO nooNg inutusAn nyA ako at itatago ko n lng syA s pangAlan na pERfectioNiST!!!!inutusan nya ako naisulat ang mga pangalan ng mga wlaNg dalang youthTODAY....,sumunoD nmN ako pero yonG kinukuHa ku yonG ballpEn at papeL ky vEE ayaW nyA ibigay kaYa nmn ng tinanoONg ulEt ako ni mRS.pERfeCTIoniST kung nasaN n ang mgA niliSta ko sBE ko"MAM NA KY VENUS PO!!!!"aT ang mRS.peRfeCTionisT aY sumaGot at sinabe na"MY UTUSAN DW AKO AT IPINASA KO KY VEE ANG TASK"(IN A LOUD VOICE!!!)aT sympre nde ako papayag NA GANUN NYA KAYA NMN i ANSWER her and said"MAM D VA PO C VEE ANG LEADER SA YOUTHTODAY KAYA PO CYA ANG NAGSULAT!!!umupo ako naiyak alm ko ang babaw dahil ko dahil umiyak ako dahil nasigawan lng ako peRO da facT na bDAY n BdaY ako binalahura nya ako abAAAhhhh nde ako maka2payag ano!!!ehehehh...pero natawatawa nmn ako habang um iiyak dahil c bErTa ay patawa ng patawa naku!!!!my issuE p nga ehH naGsoRRy c mRS.pERFECtioniST w/o me knowinG hahahaha.....naKuuuuHHHH!!!aY,aY perFEctioniST!!!

uwiAN nAH anG piNAka hihintay ko hhahahahahh......gusto ko nang umuwi para maghintay ng tawag nla ron promse kc nla yon at alm ko cya lng makakapawi ng lungkot nG bday ko ahahahah.....fortunately sumaya nga ang araw ko noong nakausap ko cla hahhah....salamat tlga!!!!